wedding daze

I have been to two weddings for the holidays and I had no chance of going back too my favorite place on earth! [Jakarta].
But instead we had to stay in Brunei, because of this dangerous election.
I just couldn't bare too stand that. I mean, why can't they pick whats right for them. GEEZ!
I feel like I want to go to school tomorrow, but I wanna stay at home at the same time? you know what I mean? HOME SCHOOL!. I'd rather wake up from different times and I can study whatever I want. And when I'm done and finished with an A plus, I can go out.
[laughs*]
I just want my life to change you know, but I know it is changing now. What I meant was to make it more better. I want to be a better person and I wanna hangout with my friends whenever I want too, I wanna go out with my boyfriend whenever I need too and others more that I want.

for you jordan

Alone for awhile,

I was searching in the dark, for traces of the love you left within my heart,

my lonely heart. To weave by picking up the pieces that remain melodies of life love's

last refrain.

With all the things you did too me, 

how can you not make me smile,

A day without your laughter is already wasted.

I love your smile, your laugh that can't keep a said face down. Your heart is always in the right place and your always a part of me, my heart and my life.

It was that moment when I asked myself; what is a friend? I will tell you, it is someone with whom you dare to be yourself.

------end------

You can change the words if you like. loves

your my joker gentlemen

Hey you guys my friend Rezzy and I had a fight about lyrics and I suddenly realized that we made a song.

here it is. blue is rezzy and purple is me.

No playa,

no hustler,

no joker,

no gentlemen.

You say your funny from a book and none of them are from you,

I fell in love with a joke book not you.

If the joker I fell in love with will never joke again and all I have 

left is his book, when I read it, I know hell always be mine, mine, mine

Girl you won't give up will you and for that I love love love you.

Signed. I'll always be your "joker gentlemen"

So I wanna say goodnight to you,

And I wanna say sweet dreams for you.

tell me how this ends!!!!

I walking in the woods feeling alone and scared,

I slowly walked in a room and saw everything turned to black and white,

I felt cold and the air started to stop.

I couldn't breath, I was underwater.

I saw a person standing in at the far end and I wanted to scream its name.

Instead it turned away and left me, 

the water started to drain out and I fell to the floor,

My clothes soggy and wet,

it was hard for me to run after that person and I didn't know its name.

I ran as fast as I could, 

never realizing that I was running the speed of light,

I was reaching to the far end and I was smiling.

i never felt so happy until...

A strange little figure showed up.

It was smiling at me like it knew me already,

I was afraid to see its smile again, 

its teeth were crooked yellow and black.

It pulled one of my fingers and brought me to a door,

it was a little door but I suddenly felt smaller,

as I opened it, I was small.

I suddenly felt the tiny figure's hand let go of mine and it was gone,

as I entered the room, there was the tiniest cottage and flowers full of life.

I turned around and the door was gone.

Then, everything turned dark and I was alone again, I didn't want to yell,

and I didn't want to scream.

I wanted to wake up.

I saw a light appearing from the clouds and it was too bright,

I tired to cover it with my arms and shield it from my face, but it was too bright.

Suddenly, I woke up

I need you too get in your car and drive away

I feel the sun's heat burning to me while I relax,

everything starts to move slowly,

until you came along; my heart starts to beat faster,

the drums in my ears are getting louder.

let me sign.

Spring

Your evaluation of your soul, which is drawn from the world filled with people

still terribly confused about the nature of their soul, is probably wrong.

Summer

Gently you come, softly you draw

And my heart burns to know you more

Can this be true?

Is this for real?

That you would love me, heal me, free me

Take me in?

This broken reed, this flickering flame

You have redeemed and freed from shame

Can this be true?

Is this for real?

That you would love me, heal me, free me

Take me in?

Summer two

If the leaves had not been let go to fall and winter,

If the tree had not consented to be a skeleton for many months,

there would be no new life rising, no bud, no flower, no fruit, no new generation

-dedicated to edward-

Autumn

I will cry for the desert

When he's bleeding

     from his heart and soul

Die for the desert

And remove my hands from what I hold

Deeper in my heart I will hear his call

Deeper in my heart will I give it all

Deeper in my heart

I will cry

Autumn two

We are frail, we are fearfully

and wonderfully made.

Forged in the fires of humans passion,

Choking on the fumes of selfish rage

And with these our hells

and our heavens,

So few inches apart,

we must be awfully small

And not as strong as we 

think we are

Winter 1,2,3, & 4

When my bed has been floating

On the flood of all my tears 

Seems as though my joy has disappeared

Still I will not put my hope

In what I feel or see

I will cling to you

And trust you're holding me

But I know that your love is unfailing

Oh, i know your grace is so amazing

Oh, I know even though my faith be shaken

Oh, I still know that I'll never be forsaken

Cause you're always faithful

I know

And now I see that I'm more

complete every day that I can't live without you

Never has the weight of one been so heavy and never has the love of a mother

been so strong.

This mother shall lift this child into another life,

and she shall cry heavy tears.

I hear you have a soft spot

For fools and little children

And I'm glad; cause I've been both of those 

I shook my fist up toward the sky 

And at most of those who love me

A frightened, angry child in

grown up clothes.

But a fathers eye can always

see right through

And a fathers heart heart can tell

when tears are true.

Now I'm standing on this road 

Your hand has brought me to

Your faithful love will lead me farther on

i wanna marry him

Marry me neil!

I'm back my darlings

hey lovelies and homies! 

boy have I missed you guys ,  My birthday happened three days ago and hell that was weak!

I didn't get the chance to go out with my friends and take them out for a movie.

the three pictures you see above is my best friends in the whole wide world! I love Nadia Mestastic! and Anis Azamistic!..

they are the best in the whole wide world!!!!

Violet

EXAMMMMMMMSSS ARE KILLING ME

You see how awesome we are.

Anyways, I have EXAMS! to study for. Wish me the greatest luck please....

I don't wanna be a failure, I wanna pass.

I hate being held back and I wanna move up. GOD HELP ME PLEASE!

Since am now starting to study, I will not go online neither check my facebook. Plus I won't be able to update my youtube and blog. So, my fans you gotta wait until I'm done.

By the way, I forgot to tell you that I have these dreams about my best friends and my boy-friend. And its more of a twilight, new moon, eclipse and breaking dawn story.

I am going insane of that. I hate it when Taufik is my dad and my friend rezzy and zafri are edward and jacob.

WEIRD!

anyways, gotta hit the books. I'll update when I pass everything.

I love you guys and girls.

Violet